My Dog is Awesome

Previously published in the Peace Corps Peru Volunteer Magazine 'Pasa La Voz':

I have the best dog. He is black colored. Chancho is his name and he has four months of age. Chancho is his name because when he was a very young puppy he wound whine and cry for food like a piggy. He will follow you everywhere you go only if you are me. Or unless he finds garbage on the street. Then he will eat it. He is very nice to other animals and likes to play with the other dogs in the neighborhood. Of course, he always wins at the dog games that the dogs play. Because he is awesome.

You think your dog is better but it is not. I bet your dog has fleas. Chancho doesn’t and he goes outside to use the bathroom and does not crap in the house. Sometimes he pees when he is happy, but that happens to everyone. Another reason why is he awesome is that he fought a bear and won. Well, it was a dog named Oso but the dog was still kind of big. Imagine that, a pig dog fighting a bear. That would be crazy like ninjas fighting zombie pirates except Chancho would still destroy all of them because he is the best dog and zombie ninja pirates would be lose because they are not as awesome as my dog Chancho.

I bet you are jealous of my dog and that is normal. It is because he is a nice dog and is nice to people, but also very strong. You would be hard pressed to find a better dog than my dog. Just ask my friend Melissa. She likes Chancho very much because he is a fun dog and likes to play and lick faces and be an awesome dog.

Chancho does not like the man who comes around announcing that he has bananas and mangos that are very delicious. He begins to howl at the man until he leaves the neighborhood. But I don’t think anyone likes that man since his voice is like a robot and who wants to buy fruit from a robot anyways. So the robot man leaves the neighborhood because he is scared of Chancho and then Chancho goes back to playing with the other dogs.

He is also good because he does not bite or attack other animals. There is a box of baby ducks in our house and Chancho is very nice to them. I think he talks to them in animal language and he never bites them or scares them. I think the only person alive who does not like my dog Chancho is the cat that lives in my family’s store. The cat does not like Chancho probably because it is a cat and nobody likes the cat because it is mean and does not like anyone. Chancho tries to be nice to the cat but the cat tries to hurt Chancho so Chancho leaves the cat alone and goes to play with other dogs and with me and eat garbage.

This is why my dog is the best dog. I bet that you wish you had my dog, but you can’t because he is mine and I will be very angry if you take him. If you took him, he would probably run away at the first chance and come back home. Even if you took him to Venezuela he would find his way back home because he is really smart. If you want, when Chancho’s girlfriend poops out little dogs I will let you have one. I won’t even make you pay because I have the best dog in the world and I think everyone should have one.


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